Sunday, May 19, 2013

In this moment VI

This is the final post in this series.  If you would like to read the others here are the links:

In this moment IV
In this moment V

Sometimes the prayer I need to say the most is the one that is the hardest. Somedays I find myself questioning Gods motives. Somedays I doubt myself and worry that I'm not cut out to be a mommy or teach. Sometimes I look at everything going on around me and I just want to ask God why? The most challenging part of having faith in God is having it on the bad days too. On the days when it appears everything is going wrong, everyone is crabby and miserable, and it appears that chaos reigns.

On those days, when the moment of silence comes in the morning I am tempted to ask God, "What the f*ck is going on? How am I supposed to be a good mom when I have to work? How the hell am I supposed to be a good teacher when these kids come to me from these totally screwed up situations? How am I supposed to be a good spouse when my husband is so difficult to talk to? How can I be a good friend when I have no free time? Why is the world so crazy sometimes?" It is not my place to question God. I know in my heart that even when it seems like there is no plan, that that is when I need to have faith the most. God will provide.

That prayer that I mentioned, the hardest one to say. It is not a prayer that questions or begs. It is a prayer of thanks. When I am frustrated and stressed out a prayer of thanksgiving can be the most difficult to say, but it the type of prayer that helps me get right with God and get ready for the day. After reading some of the other posts in this series you might wonder what there is to be thankful for. Everything.

I am thankful for my partner and spouse, help me to show him that. I am thankful for our amazing children, let me be the best mommy to them that I can. Thank you Lord for providing me the opportunity to work so that I can contribute to our household and be a good model for my children. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to work with students who will benefit from the work I do. Thank you for providing this school. Thank you for guiding all of us and thank you for the many blessings you bestow.

There are so many blessings to be thankful for. Often the students that push me the hardest are the ones that come back later on to tell me how much of a difference I made in their lives. Students who acted out come back and apologize and thank me for teaching. I take their testimony as evidence that God does have a plan for us all, even if we can't see it right away.  A teenage mother comes back two years after graduating to tell me she is working and in college, "It was only with the love and support of my Grandparents and the Grace of God that I have made it to where I am." A teenage father (not related to her) comes back after graduation to tell me he has finished his associates degree and is going to college. Thank you Lord for getting him there.  A student that was arrested his Junior year comes back to tell me he finished his GED and is going to barber school.

My husband doing the dishes, my son making it to the potty, my sister getting a job, finding a great new resource to teach with, my daughters smile, the students who work hard without a struggle, the opportunity to serve. There are countless things to be thankful for. Sometimes when I find myself downtrodden, the best thing I can do is remember all I have to be thankful for and demonstrate my gratitude by saying a prayer of Thanks. It helps me to remember there is a plan and get my mind right.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the 
renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, 
that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:2

Thanks be to God,

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